Do you ever wish that you could erase a certain bit of your life? that maybe you could save yourself from some heartache... there's a saying " It's better to have loved and lost, rather than not loved at all" I disagree immensely with this statement... If I knew that I'd be suffering this much then I wouldn't have loved at all in the first place...
Sigh the days was going so well... I had everything planned out... go for lectures.. sit and finish my PPF and then SHE showed up... fucking hell that was unexpected... there I was seated with my friends just talking about random stuff and she steps out of the lift.. ARRGGHH.. I don't know what exactly happened but it was like my heart expanded and exploded within me.... My hands began to tremble... my pulse began to race... and the cravings came back... I sooo fucking wanted a drink in my hand right then.... I don't know why I do this to myself... Its OVER men.. there's no point in thinking about her anymore... she made her decision... It's really pathetic!!
Do you ever have battles in your mind where the thoughts of your head battle it out with each other for dominance? Let me take you on a trip into the workings of my messed up mind... On the particular subject of HER, my mind is divided into 2: One side absolutely loathes her for what she did to me and for what I'm going and went through... the other still cares for her because of the times we had and the person that she is...
There she was walking around uni... and I know she spotted me and obviously I saw her as well... I just pretended to talk with my friends.. trying to ignore her... laughing at the jokes they were saying and pretending not to notice her... It's just really bloody painful to be anywhere near her for me and I don't think I 'll ever be ok with what happened.... My mind goes Fuck It man you know you deserve better.. but then I remember what we had.... ARRGGHH stupid fucking piece of shit!!... *MIND EXPLODES*
Why the hell do I have to care about her?? I mean she has nothing to do with me anymore.. and I have nothing to do with her... YET?? why do I feel this way? Why can't I just let go and move on? Maybe in some level I have done that but still.... she still affects me in some kind of way.. after EVERYTHING that has happened... sigh... I should be better prepared men... I know that I'll eventually run into her anyhow because we move in relatively the same circles of friends... and I'll definitely be running into her at the convocation and graduation ball...
How do you lock up your feelings within you?? and not open pandora's box... I so know how Lady D feels now... I wish I could become a closed book.. be jaded and be void of any feelings... just enjoy the things I have in life and not think about the past....
Thursday, November 20, 2008
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3 comments:
Looks like you're in the pit too.... with me..:(
Yes that's how it feels... and I too wish I could just stop feeling what I feel and just move on the way he did and not look back and feel anything..
but it just drags me into this pit...where I cant get out.. and I'm just caught up and stuck... why do we care so much when the other person doesn't give a damn? I really dont know...
For the moment, *one big hug*...
and hope you've a good weekend..:) take care and lets hope we both get out of this soon..:)
hugs!
I dread the day I meet my ex too! Whew! touchwood!
Don't let it get to you.
I too know so very much how you feel mate.
You just can't help it, can you? I know, whatever your thoughts are, it just keeps coming back to you. And in most unexpected times too...
I too wish that sometimes if I could go back in time and make things right, so many things that went wrong. But that's the one thing we can't do. So we might just as well learn to live with it bro...
Hang on there. And porntube might be of help in times of need like this! ;-)
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