Good Bye, Adeu, Adios, Selamat

Come Sunday this blog and its contents will cease to exist.. along with any other cyber trace of me. This includes my Facebook account and any other social networking account I have.. my email addresses and all other postings I have online.

I have decided to totally eradicate any type of cyber existence of myself. I will also be uninstalling all chat applications on my machine and will have only one e mail address open for academic purposes.

I will be totally distancing myself from the world wide web and only will be using it when I have to during academic purposes..

From Sunday onwards FINroD will cease to exist and so will I.. Thank you for enduring me all this time and I wish you all well..

Good Bye..

Too Many Shit, Too Little Time

Lots of crap happening these days, plus I just don't feel like writing anymore... :S

Thinking of closing this blog down, Life is just "BLAH"!

Good or Bad

Thursday - Open mic night with the blogger pals

Friday - Birthday BBQ at Baby's house...

Saturday - Dinner at F's place and then had a bottle of white rum with F and Copywriter Pal slept at 5 am

Sunday - Spent the day at this get together for the participants of that Malay club event, went for another event in the night and spent some time with F and Copywriter Pal and a few other friends at Coffee Stop

Somethings Amiss

Ever feel like something's wrong
something's amiss and just not right
Your world is about to fall apart
and leave you out there alone and cold

The people you once could count on
are nowhere to be found anymore
They've abandoned you and run away
and left you to die here

You sit here contemplating on whats wrong
while the world rushes past you
Leaving a trail of destruction in its wake
and sorrow at each and every turn

You ask yourself why do we go on
Is it worth waking up every morning
to this shit hole of a society
where the innocent are harmed everyday

Why am I filled with this sense of negativity
and hostility towards the world
What did it ever do for me to feel this way
oh yeah I remember it ruined my life!



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BloggerNality (Blog Personality)

So M.o.M and I were having this conversation about bloggers and what it would be to really meet some of the people in real life.. and well some are still anonymous where as others we know.. cos of meet ups and open mic nights etc..

Which got me thinking I mean its funny how you draw up this persona of a person just by what they write and when u meet them for real it kinda all takes you by surprise.. I've met a couple of bloggers and well some were kinda ok i.e. lived up to the reputation hehe.. others were weird and a few others disappointing.. hehe.. I used to think Whacky was this fat dude with glasses who's was working in an IT company or something like that hehe... but in reality he s the opposite lol..

Then a couple of months back I met another blogger who was supposedly thought to be extremely H.O.T and well was kinda disappointed to be honest.. I mean hey don't get me wrong the looks don't really count, they could be an awesome person but just I meant you know attractiveness vise.. hehe..

I can say for a fact that Makuluwo is her schizophrenic self even in real life so there's no change there hehe... then you get people like Sabby who are actually very very mellow and sheepish in reality.. but crazy nuts on their blog... Jerry as always is an egocentric.. annoying but good hearted bugger just as his blog portrays...

I guess what I'm trying to get at here is that we really shouldn't give too much thought to the blogs and the personalities of the bloggers as in real life they could be totally the opposite..

Our Time is Running Out

You and I.. We have been through a lot...
Yet we always come back to each other...
We may not have been destined to be lovers...
But friends we are and we shall remain..

There will soon be a time...
when this union will be broken..
and we each will tread on different paths of life..
we have both foreseen and accepted this eventuality..

Yet until that time arrives..
together we shall be...
even though we may not be there physically...
emotionally and mentally our hearts will be aligned..

Just as the Ides of March is upon us...
some would say that it is an omen of misfortune..
yet I say Nay! it is but a day of great joy...
For it was this very day that the world was made brighter...

Twenty Two years ago the world was blessed with a child..
of imminent importance and greatness...
Someone with a great heart who loves unconditionally..
and empathizes unto great extent...

Although her life was not how it should have been...
yet she forges on day by day striving for the answers to her questions...
and even though there will come a day when you and I will not be in each others lives...
I say let that day come.. but for now.. I am happy to be-friend someone like you...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! - You know who you are friend...


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HOLY MOLEY!! I'm on TV

Man that's just crazy stuff... I came home today and was happily watching Stardust on HBO when F calls me up and says switch on your tele to Channel Eye your on TV... I was like WHAATT!! remember that Malay club anniversary thingy that I danced for well they showed it on national television today.. OMG I watched the whole thing it was HILARIOUS! seeing yourself on TV like that feels so surreal... I couldn't help feeling so embarrassed.. the mistakes I did were visible.. the mistakes the others did were visible.. They showed the entire event.. sigh... FREEAAAKKAAYY!!!

Friendship or Was It

You came, made an impression
You really made me happy to have a friend like you
You helped me realize that I needed to let go of certain things then
You left me to myself

Thank you for being there for me when I needed someone
A friend like you I'll never forget even though
You will be dearly missed

I guess people will always leave you
Sometimes things don't go the way you think it does
Always thought that friendships were meant to last
but somehow my minds been changed on that one

Maybe I didn't deserve to have someone like you in my life
Maybe this is the worlds way of getting me to pay for my sins
Maybe...

All I know is.. I miss my friend and wish things were different..
Wish things would go back to the way it was..
I don't have many friends that I can trust anymore...
So now it makes me wonder if we were even really friends?



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Current Mental Status

For some reason I just feel thoroughly Depressed.. Alone.. and Depressed... sigh.... =S

Nausea

Splitting Heads and excruciating aches
the nauseating taste at the bottom of your throat
a body so weak it can hardly carry itself
a fever so high it radiates the air surrounding it

a hunger that is everlasting but cannot be satisfied
due to the unavoidability of keeping sustenance down
of aching joints that creek with ever move
and sore muscles that throw spasms of pain

Insomnia that conquers the mind
and never let these awful thoughts lie
Wounds that refuse to heal and
festers and infects your very own soul

Comfort is something I seek
for I cannot go on like this anymore
A culmination of pain, nausea and soreness
that overwhelms my very being

Excuse me while I go throw up now
for this wave of excessive nausea has overcome me
Maybe the fever will subside then..
Or maybe it will finally release me from my insistent suffering.


This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.

Conflicted

Destiny has deserted me
Into the unknown I have been thrust
Memories of the past yet haunt me
My future cannot be foreseen

Conflicting thoughts battle within me
Each trying to overcome the other
How do I suppress these emotions
They keep dragging me into the depths of despair

My head says walk away
But my heart says to stay
Where does my Happiness lie
Will I ever find what I'm looking for

I have lost my identity
The person I am is a mystery
Misery is my company
and loathsome is what I have become..


This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.

What The Dawn Brings

Last night was bit of an eye opener for me.. many truths were revealed to me about last year and I am thankful to that person but I still haven't processed it all.. I don't know what to make out of it.. I feel like people are pulling away from me and I from them. Maybe this was what I wanted, maybe this is just them being busy... Someone told me that I have the tendency to get attached to people and that necessarily isn't a good thing..

I woke up in the morning to a text from a friend I've gotten close to recently, after replying to her I don't know I just got this sense of dread and feeling of sadness.. Maybe it was my knees which are killing me right now.. ( bruised them during practices last night ) or the fact that I feel like something's gonna go wrong.. you know sometimes you have a feeling like somethings not right.. like your entire world is about to fall apart..

Was chatting with a friend last night and she told me that she was almost raped when she was 15 I was so shocked and angry because this was one of my classmates and well she was bit of a nutter but still she is a good person. I cant even imagine what she would've gone through... I sometimes wonder why this world has to be so cruel? I really hope the asshole gets what he rightfully deserves the prick!

I wonder what life has in store for me, this from a person who dreads thinking about the future.. I really don't know why I am here even.. I'm not a very intelligent person, I'm not a jock.. I'm just average and a floater.. I've lasted so far out of pure luck and help... I hate the inside of my brain right now.. so many conflicting thoughts... love/hate/friendship/concern/depression...

Why can't I be just happy? sigh.....

I Saw Her Standing There - The Crappy Version

So as promised.. here's my pathetic attempt at a bit of guitar play and singing...




P.S -- the bloody thing took so fricking long to upload also... sheeesh... talk about ANNOYING!!

HAIYO

AIYO....

SIN MEN.....

ANEY PAUW....

Just made things worse...

Feeling so guilty also...

Hope it'll work out in the end..

Was just trying to help....
__________________________________________________________

*the stone Midas touch strikes again...

Virginia Dreams

I remember the White Wedding dress you were wearing..
The marshland with the lone road that I passed on my way home yesterday..
Stopping halfway.. amazed at the sight of you...
The way you whispered my name and the way you embraced me in your warm embrace..

I remember it being the dead of night.. and the stars shining brightly..
The way we just talked and talked about life and each other...
I remember the touch of your palm on my face.. the taste of your skin and lips..
Wrapping my arms around you.. and kissing you lightly on your forehead..

The car hood we were sleeping on whilst gazing upon the starry sky..
You snuggled up against my body... spreading your body warmth through my body..
Me thinking why in the world are you wearing a wedding dress..
Then just putting it all aside thinking this is so right...

I remember asking you to go back to my place..
The vehicle that I put you in heading towards home...
Following my feet all the way home...
Seeing you standing there by the door thinking this cant be real... and then I woke up...
______________________________________________________________

I don't know what to make of this.. just remembered the dream so I wrote it up.. :S

O ye wilde demons..
When will ye stop haunting and taunting me?

Robbing a Bank!

That's exactly the way I feel right now.. I absolutely Hate being broke men.. sigh.. ever since this year started I've been living pay check to pay check.. or rather in this case.. pocket money to pocket money....hehehe... I don't go out as often as I did before.. I don't socialize as much as I did before... all work and no play makes FINroD a very dull man...

I wish I was working again men.. at least back then I had the money to do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted... I've tried budgeting and trying to make ends meet and all but it never seems to work.. its not like I spend all my money on cigarettes and alcohol.. I don't smoke.. but well lets just say with the amount I'm getting nobody could survive... Its really hard when your like invited to all these things but have to keep turning them down because you just cant even afford the travel expenses....

And the worst part is well... I really can't bug my parents for money cos well they are both retired and well they are kind of tight themselves as well.. so I feel really guilty... It's just really depressing to not be able to go out like I used to... jobs are out of the question unless its a 1 time gig or something... becos well.. working while doing the final year of ur degree is NOT a valid option... so I'm like stuck between a rock and a hard place... financially...

Man I wish there was a quick way to make some money.. Like I remember a couple of years back.. me and a friend got paid 3k for being ushers at this event at water's edge.. that was cool.. to bad there aren't any gigs like that anymore... Everybody keep's saying only a couple of more months dude.. then u ll be done and then u ll get a job.. errmm.. hello?? have u seen the current job market right now?? nobody's hiring... I have friends who graduated LAST year and even they are still out of work.. sheeeesh.. anyways.. just wondering when this stupid financial crisis I'm having will get over... as I said earlier.. being broke SUCKS!

Long Weekend of Craziness

So I had a really interesting weekend... topped off Friday on which I had an exam by heading over to The Keg with two friends for a pint of beer... had a laugh there.. it was nice to blow off some steam after exam week.. Saturday saw me doing absolutely nothing.. just chilled away at home.. watched The Big Bang Theory season 1 and a couple of other movies... Sunday I went to watch a friends band who was taking part in my Malay Club's talent competition... it was fun hanging out with the gang.. they weren't half bad even although they could've done better.. They played a mix of.. Sweet Child of Mine and Times Like these..


Heres DeTour in action lol..

After the auditions were over we headed over to a friends house and had lunch there and hung out there the rest of the day.... while I was at the auditions I got pulled in to dance for the main show.. so had to go for dancing practices the next day... oh man spent the entire day practicing... bloody hell it was tiring... came back home in the evening.. showered and I was online and then went to bed at around 12.30 am.... i hadn't even slept half an hour and then we get a call from loku amma saying that my grand dad was really ill.. so we all went there at 1.30 in the morning and was really worried because he's quite old... like 94.. so in the morning we took him to Apollo and admitted him.. he's still not better... so a little worried there.. :-( ...

So after my parents and aunt & uncle took my grand dad to the hospital I came back home on Tuesday morning... sleep deprived and all.. slept for a few hours.. then was up and as really really hungry.... but there was nothing to eat also so was wondering what to do... I switch on the tele and on travel & living they are showing a episode of america's best burger joints.. I was like NOOOOOoooooo!!... then a friend called and I was talking to her.. and was telling her how much I was craving a burger and she was like come lets go out for lunch somewhere then... hehehe.. so ended up going to Mc Donalds Rajagiriya cos well it was closer for her and anyways I was going for the Twenty-20 Match... after lunch I headed over to a friends place in Borella where the guys were all meeting up to go to Kettharama.... oh man the bus ride from Borella to the stadium was an absolute terror.. it was so PACKED!! anyways had an awesome time at the match.. too bad we lost tho.. sigh.. stupid Dilhara Fernando.. sigh.... anyways had an awesome time there....... and a very interesting insanity filled long weekend =D

Back to Uni

So today i just decided to come back to uni and hang out with my friends again... b4 the hecticness of my final year starts.. it was fun.. we laughed.. made fun of ppl.... laughed some more... ate alot...

you always tend to have a great time when in the company of some really good people... but even with all that deep down i knew i was missing her... i kept wishing she was here with me instead in stupid ol malaysia.. i wanted for her to experience the fun that i was having...

sigh....... i miss her...