HAPPY NEW YEAR PPL!!!

Hope this year is bountiful and fruitful and filled with happiness and joy!!

Have a good one!! =D

Plumb - Only You (Blush)

I don't know why but I had a flash last night and this song popped into my head.. was introduced to it by a hmmm... friend.. about an year or two ago... the lyrics are really nice...


___________________________________________
When you look at me I start to blush
and all that I can say is you and us
oh baby I'm so afraid to be in love
with you, with you...

I wanna be in love with only you
I wanna watch the sky turn grey then blue
I wanna know the kiss thats always new
I wanna be in love with only you
just you

When stars are falling dark
will light the way
will hit the ground and fall
into the shade
ill light the night with fire
and run away

I wanna be in love with only you
I wanna watch the sky turn grey then blue
I wanna know the kiss thats always new
I wanna be in love with only you

I wanna be in love with you
I wanna be in love (I wanna be in love)
I wanna be in love with you
I wanna be in love (I wanna be in love)

I wanna be in love with you...

I wanna be in love with only you
I wanna watch the sky turn grey then blue
I wanna know the kiss thats always new
I wanna be in love with only you

Just you
I wanna be
just you yeah

If Something Like This Happens to You What Would You Do?

So I was reading this really interesting post by Court Jester and decided to post this questions..

Say you were living in your house.... and well this family came and asked for refuge from you and you being the most generous and hospitable people offered them to stay in your house... then they started inviting more n more of their relatives to come and stay in your house without your permission even... then finally one day asks you to move out.. what would you do? how would you react?...

Makes you think doesn't it....

I Should Be Working on my Assignment BUT...

I'm sitting here writing this post..

I'm listening to Jack Johnson who's entire discography I just finished downloading..

I'm downloading a movie called Stranger than Fiction and a Rugby match.. the Celtic Series.. South Africa vs. Wales..

I'm hungry as usual...

I'm cursing the administration for starting uni on the 1st and having a submission on the 2nd.. ARRGGHH!!!

I'm wondering what you are up to...

I'm reading blogs...

Cup Victory's

This is a pic of the CUP we retained after the SLIIT big match...

Whatever Happens

Things will never go back to the way they were... It'll never be the same.. I think I realize that now... It's a sad thought but... I guess we all change eventually.. even you...

Things I Must Eventually Accept

I'm never gonna be good enough for my parents..

You don't need me in your life anymore...

Walking away might not solve the problem all the time..

I can't keep floating around any longer...

New Year's Resolutions

hmm.. here's to hoping I stick to them...

1. Stop procrastinating.

2. Workout more.

3. Regain my six packs.

4. Stay away from women.

5. Build up walls around me and keep people out.

6. Stop drinking.

7. Be more religious.

8. Study harder.

Just the Thing that you want to hear from your Parents

" You are such a disappointment"

" We can never depend on you"

Thanks a lot mom and dad.. now let me go blow my brains out...

Obsessive Stupid Thoughts Mulling in my Head

I miss you...

Of Crooked Referee's, Cowardice and Graduation Balls

Oh man what a weekend!! talk about hectic!! had the Match on Saturday evening, then a birthday party in Moratuwa and then the Graduation Ball on Sunday... Sigh.. was thoroughly disappointed about the match.. It was our game.. but the referee started pulling towards the SLIIT guys.. well its to be expected they did organize the match... but still that was the worst officiation that I've seen.. he wrongfully penalized us.. in the end it ended up in a 7-7 draw.. sigh... interesting thing though was the massive fight in the second half with 20 minutes left on the clock.. they started hitting some of our players then we started hammering them.. then the crowd got involved.. it was one huge fight!!... once the dust had settled.. or rather once we broke up the fights.. the idiot ref gave this huge speech on how we shouldntve fought bla bla bla... and refused to officiate the game.. finally got the bugger to referee it again... at that time we were leading 7 -0 then the SLIIT team scored a try and converted.. there was 10 minutes left on the clock and this fool blows full timee!!! I mean WTF?? sigh... so yeah... after the match.. I had to leave early and go to my friends place in Moratuwa for his 21st Birthday Party....

It was fun had a nice time there... danced alot.. cudnt stay long tho.. ma parents were in dehiwala at a homecoming so they came n picked me up.... the next day I find out that after the match and after most of our crowd had gone.. there were 8 of our buggers left and around 30 SLIIT buggers had ganged up on them and beaten the crap out of them.. I was like WTF?? Come On!! 30 against 8!! bloody cowards!! was really pissed off about that!.. BLOODY PUSSIES!!... so sunday was spent lazying away a bit and recooperating from the match and party... then in the evening I went for the Grad Ball!! oh man it was AWESOME!!!! the booze !! the Food!! the Music!! the Latin Dancers :P lol hahahahaha... had a brilliant time.. danced and danced and danced like crazy... ended up coming home only today morning at like 5 AM lol.... man that was one brilliant party!!

So all in all a very very eventful weekend with lots of excitement and disappointment as well... guess thts life though... =D

Match Day Game Face On!!

So I've decided there's noway in hell I'm gonna miss this match!! This is the last match that I'll play for my uni and sickness or no sickness I'm gonna play tomorrow... Here's to hoping we win tomorrow... and for a good clean great game of rugby :D.... even though I'm not 100% fit... my team mates are counting on me and I'm not going to disappoint them... Gonna play tomorrow and we sure as hell gonna WIN!

On the bright side I get to play in my old position =D the one I was born to be in :) Wing Three quarter baby!!... Gonna Run, Gonna Tackle and Gonna WIN!!!

I'm gonna leave you with last years team.....

WTF Happened to Me?

Some people change through time.. some don't.. is it mandatory that we have to change? that we have to adapt to the environment that we live in? I look back at what I was four years back and the comparison appalls me.. Four years ago I was this naive, caring, nice, honest, innocent.. today.. I don't think I have any of those qualities that I had back then..... It's really weird.. what happened to me? why did I change? did I realize that I had changed? Did I do this to myself? Is it a part of the growing up process that we need to change?

I realized today that I haven't been truly.. honest to god happy in four fricking years... that's a bloody long time to be depressed... what the fuck's wrong with me? Why I can't I be happy? Ever heard of the saying " Practice what you preach".. you'll never find a hypocrite greater than me... I've always been the consoler, the shoulder to lean on during tough times, the adviser... It's a role I just stumbled upon one day and it suited me well... I would say things to people and they'd listen and most of the time the advice I would give them would help them out... but did it mean that I believed in what I was telling them? Hell No! I know, I know bloody bogus of me but hey they felt better afterwords..

But somewhere along the lines its all gone astray these days I rarely get into that role as all I seem to do is make things worse... I've become a negative.. somewhere along the way I've become this pessimistic, depressive, dishonest, narcissistic, narrow minded... AGAD! sigh.... Males you wonder.. what in the world happened? Maybe its good that I've been unlucky in love.. I mean look at what I've become.. women would be better off without having someone like me in their life... I'd just drag them down with me...

In Sickness & in Health

I really hate being sick.. absolutely detest and loathe it... when I get sick I get cranky, I get mean. I become a down right pathetic moronic hateful loathsome bastard.. When I get sick I get sick BAAD and I mean BAAD!! heres a list of things that piss me off right now:-

It pisses me off:-

that I might have to miss my match on Saturday on the count that I can barely breathe right now.

that I'm missing today's Christmas party because I'm too sick to attend it.

that someone changed their status to "in a relationship".

that I've screwed up my attendance at uni and these SOB's will never let it go even though I've been sick.

that it keeps on raining every fucking day.

that I can't understand jack of whats been taught at uni.

that someone called me a whiny, spoilt baby.

that other people are happy ( yeah yeah whatever.. DIE U FOOLS)

Now piss off and leave me alone!

Current Physical Status - CPS

"COUGH COUGH COOOOUUUUGGGHHH........"

"AAHH AHHH AAAAHHHCCHHHOOO"

"SHIVER...."

bitch of a cocktail this is... cough, cold and sore throat... plus the fever is on its way sigh.... i hate phlem coughs... fluid in my lungs... tonsils all swollen... cant even swallow food down properly.. nose is like a dripping tap.. sigh...... BEGONE U VILE GERMS!!

Archie Me Boy!

I'm sure all of you all are familiar with Archie Comics... haven't you ever wondered what Archie must be feeling like? I mean he has two really important women in his life: Betty and Veronica, but doesn't know who he really loves... funny situation in it.. both are really beautiful, strong willed girls who love Archie a lot but he cant decide amongst the two.. On one hand you have Betty who is this really pretty, caring and nice girl and then u've got Veronica.. who's this elegant, sophisticated, beautiful girl... personally I think Betty is waaaaay better than Veronica.. but hmm.. ever thought about it from Archie's point of view.. he has these two extremely gorgeous women but cant decide who he wants to be with... funny init..

Wonder if there are situations like that in real life? I know we are all really selfish when it comes to relationships and love but... hmmm.. just makes u think..

Of Illnesses, Confusion and Boredom

sigh.. I'm sick again.. got a bloody sore throat and the sniffles.... sigh.. I hate getting sick... this is so not the time for it.. I have another match on the 20th and this is an important one that I cant afford to miss... life is getting more n more complicated these days.. but then again when was it ever not.. today I met this childhood friend.. well actually still a friend... a neighbour friend one might call him.. an year back he joined the SL Navy and I'm seeing him after a very long time.. OMG he s around 6 feet tall.. and he was really chubby but now :O :O :O he s soooo thin men... he was like O and now he s I... man.. that was a shocker I could barely recognize him... but he s doing good.. even though basic training is really gruelling he s doing good... haiyo I hate being broke. its SUCKS!! I wish I could go out tonight.. sigh... Im soo freakin bored at home with nothing to do.. sigh... no one to talk to as well... sigh.. guess I really am not that much of an introvert lol... Heads messed up again.. still getting weird dreams... sigh.. 2008 why the drama??? ARRRGGHH * mind explodes....

So This Christmas!

hmm... what have I been upto the past year.. let me recall....

* blacked out for the first time on the 1st of jan.. brilliant way to start the new year init..

* went on cool ass trip to unnawatuna with a friend and his pallies, ended having a brilliant time there.

* lost friends and made a whole load of new ones.

* lost a bestfriend.. got her back.. lost her again.. got her back.. and the cycle continues..

* drank a hell of alot this year... became a fully fledged alcoholic.. no im not proud of tht...

* got my heartbroken

* broke other peoples hearts as well

* forgave a few old friends for what they did to me last year..

* witnessed more people from my class get married and one of them even had a kid... which scares the beegeezez out of me.

* stumbled upon kottu

* started my own blog

* got into a very sticky and complicated situation

* did things I never imagined I'd ever do

* gained a hell of a lot of weight.. which i cant seem to get rid of now =(

* went to a uni party where for the first time ever I dint dance at... cos i was blacked out on the couch lol..

* witnessed the best ever concert Lanka has ever hosted..


hmmm... cant think up of anything else... sigh.. still recovering from yesterday lol hehehehe...

BORED OUT OF MA MIND!!!! sure wish I 'd ve gone out tonight sigh....

We Won!! We Won!!

Heheheeh.. Wooo Hooo!! we kicked them ACHE bums asses... even in the rain... oh man what a match... 33-5 bloody good score ne... I was actually nervous because I was playing in a position I've never played before.. outside center.. I'm usually a wing three-quarter... but it was no fuss.. hehehehe.. only problem was I dint get to tackle one guy even.. was a bit sad about that.. went in for a lot of hits but no tackles :( hehehe... but one thing our guys lacked was a bit of discipline and well fitness was low even for me... by the time the second half started I was already gone.. but I was shifted down to full back position and the new guys were brought in to the attack.. hehehe from there on.. ice thama lol... they had even got a trophy done the crystal trophy!! pissu sanda mole... dint expect that.... after the match.. we headed for the usual post-match dinner/booze session.. ended up going to Salaka and eating dinner and drinking old arrack... even got the refs there hehehe... after a few drinks the refs were like.. if any of you guys want to become referee's just tell us and we ll do something hehehe..... overall it was a brilliant day....

On a more serious note... why is it that when it comes to women I get into a cycle of either hurting them or them hurting me... sigh.. I want to break this freaking cycle... I want to have a healthy relationship sigh.. I think I'm gonna go MIA from the dating world for sometime... get my head cleared out.. spend some quality alone time with myself.. scary as that sounds.. Right well its back to practices on Monday got the SLIIT match coming up on the 20th.. thats the important one.. gonna beat those arses to a pulp this year!!

Things I Want

I want.....

To win today's match

To stop recycling

To have him out of your life because I don't think we can be anything if he's still in your life including friends.

To stop being a mess

To have a purpose in life

To be a good son to my parents

To finish my degree with honours

To stop having messed up , freaky dreams
__________________________________________________________________

oh bugger!!.. wrong day to be thinking of this shit... sigh...

Can't Think Up of a Heading Right Now... :S

something a friend of mine texted to me awhile back......

"God determines who walks into you life, you determine who walks out"

interesting..

Kings Of Leon - On Call (live at Later...)

She said call me now baby, and I'd come a running.
She said call me now baby, and I'd come a running.
If you'd call me now, baby I'd come a running.

I'm on call, to be there.
One and all, to be there.
And When I fall, to pieces.
Lord you know, I'll be there waiting.

To be there.
To be there.

I'm on call, to be there.
One and all, to be there.
And When I fall, to pieces.
Lord you know, I'll be there waiting.

I'm gon' brawl, so be there.
One for all, I'll be there.
And when they fall, to pieces.
Lord you know, I'll be there laughing.

I'd come a running.
I'd come a running.
I'd come a running.

To be there.
To be there.

I'm on call, to be there.
I'm on call, to be there.
I'm on call, to be there.
I'm on call, to be there.
_______________________________________

Another great song by the Kings of Leon...
I just can't seem to get enough of them men.. keep listening to this one, use somebody, the bucket and sex on fire over n over again... sigh...

Battered & Bruised

So as most of you would've realized by now I play rugby... die hard fan and love playing the game.. it does get brutal at times but I still love it... I read or heard from somewhere " Football is a gentleman's game played by thugs, whilst Rugby is a thug's game played my gentlemen" interesting statement init hehe.... anyways we have matches coming up so we've been having practices these days... got one on Thursday against ACHE - American College of Higher Education and then another most probably on the 19th against SLIIT. gonna be a good season but hectic with uni lectures n shit.... coming back to the topic today was hard.. had to practice in the rain and the grounds being wet and all... by the time we were done.. we were all covered in mud n muck lol... and on top of that we did tackling as well..

Now I love tackling.. theres no greater feeling than tackling someone and making sure its a nice solid tackle hehehe.. but today with the rain and the soggy conditions oh man its hurt.... I think I bruised a few muscles and have alot of scrapings.. you try tackling someone twice your size and you'll know what being hit by a locomotive feels like... not pretty sight... buggers shoulder rammed against my nose.. then later on I got tackled from the side... I think the bugger knocked against my calf muscle.. hurts like a bitch now although I dint feel anything at the time then... did manage to get in some good tackles as well... over all had a great practice... thursday's match should be an interesting encounter... can't wait to play that match =D...

Reason for this post = "I'm hurting right now.. but its a good hurt I guess.. keeps the emotional demons at bay :)"

Letter of Congratulation

I know we don't speak anymore and neither we will in the future.. but just wanted to wish you congratulations for overcoming 3 years of pure hardship... you really deserve what you worked for.. and I know there were times when you thought it was too hard but you pushed through it.. and you won in the end.... Today you are finally have a Degree Bachelors honors ... so just wanted to say Congratulations to you and may you have a prosperous career and life in whatever you do..

Snow Patrol - Run

I'll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
You've been the only thing that's right
In all I've done

And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we'll make it anywhere
Away from here

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say

To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye
I nearly do

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say

Slower slower
We don't have time for that
All I want is to find an easier way
To get out of our little heads

Have heart my dear
We're bound to be afraid
Even if it's just for a few days
Making up for all this mess

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear
______________________________________

Perfect song to say good bye to... :)

Kings Of Leon - Sex On Fire

Lay where you're laying
Don't make a sound
I know they're watching
they're watching

all the commontion
the Kiddie like play
has people talking

You
Your sex is on fire

The dark of the alley
The break of the day
Ahead while I'm driving
I'm driving

Soft lips are open
Them knuckles are pale
Feels like you're dying
You're dying

You
Your sex is on fire
And so
Were the words to transpire

Hot as a fever
Rattling bones
I could just taste it
Taste it

But it's not forever
But it's just tonight
Oh we're still the greatest
The greatest
The greatest

You
Your sex is on fire
You
Your sex is on fire
And so
Were the words to transpire
And You
Your sex is on fire
And so
Were the words to transpire
__________________________________

Another brilliant song from Kings of Leon and currently my handle hehehe =D

Kings Of Leon - Use Somebody

I've been roaming around
Always looking down at all I see
Painted faces, fill the places I cant reach

You know that I could use somebody
You know that I could use somebody

Someone like you, And all you know, And how you speak
Countless lovers under cover of the street

You know that I could use somebody
You know that I could use somebody
Someone like you

Off in the night, while you live it up, I'm off to sleep
Waging wars to shape the poet and the beat
I hope it's gonna make you notice
I hope it's gonna make you notice

Someone like me
Someone like me
Someone like me, somebody

Someone like you, somebody
Someone like you, somebody
Someone like you, somebody

I've been roaming around,
Always looking down at all I see
______________________________________

stumbled upon this song.... starting to really love this band...

When I'm Right I'm Sooo Right!

Told you that you dint love him...

Told you that you dint want to be with him...

Told you that you were just lying to yourself...

Told you that you will come to your senses someday...

Told you I cant be bothered waiting here to pick up the pieces after what you put me through...

Told you so...

How Drunk is Drunk Enough?

so I was watching this movie the other day called " The Legend of the Baggavance" or something like that.. it has cherlize theron, will smith, matt damon in it.. its basically some blooming golf movie but there was one part in it where it kind of got my attention... theres this one scene where this boy comes searching for matt damon who's a wash out golfer... and he's in a barn with a few men drinking and playing cards... the boy asks a question there... How drunk, is drunk enough? and this is what matt damon replies...

"Rannulph Junnah (Matt Damon): Now, the question on the table is how drunk is drunk enough? And the answer is that it's all a matter of brain cells

Hardy Greaves(The Kid): Brain cells?

Rannulph Junnah(Matt Damon): That's right Hardy. You see every drink of liquor you take kills a thousand brain cells. Now that doesn't much matter 'cos we got billions more. And first the sadness cells die so you smile real big. And then the quiet cells go so you just say everything real loud for no reason at all. That'ok, that's ok because the stupid cells go next, so everything you say is real smart. And finally, come the memory cells. These are tough sons of bitches to kill."

hehehehe I was like Damn!! thats so true....

Setpitin Gaseema! ( Bringing a Gang to a Fight )

So.... something happened at Onstage which kind of annoyed the crap out of me... but still I didn't let it affect my mood too much... well let me start from the beginning.. I used to belong to this forum which was in a more hard heavy metal kinda site.... and well I used to also be in this podcast site where I used to host a show... well.. as a promotion we decided to advertise the podcast site on this forum... but the response from it especially from a certain individual who I wont reveal because I don't sink so low.. was not very nice... it was just downright nasty.... this person is well... a vocalist of a band.. and well in what he said kinda really ticked me off.. so in retaliation I commented on the forum that he didn't have that a good voice.. which is my opinion of it... and he really took offense to it... and he started cursing me in pure filth blaa blaa... and even used my real name.... anyways... I really didn't care because well I don't keep grudges over trivial things like this...

So at Onstage all of a sudden a friend who knew this scene comes and tells me... "Dude if someone asks your name don't say it" :S I was like huh?? WTF..... anyways later on I find out that these guys, including that vocalist... had heard that I was going to be there and they wanted to beat me up.... I was like huh what the hell.. is he still pissed off over some stupid incident which happened so long ago... sheesh... I've never understood this bringing your gang of friends to beat up one poor guy concept... frankly telling I'm a peace keeper rather than a fighter... but if the need arises I will fight back.. I recall many a rugby match but well.. thats another story altogether.... I mean ok fine.. you want to hammer someone.. well then do it on your own... why bring a gang?? wheres the honour in that?? and why fight over something as soo trivial as this?? I mean come on... are we that immature... I tell you this mate... If you do come across this post... I have no personal beef watsoever with you... I love metal just as much as anybody else... and well ok fine maybe I hurt your feelings or something by saying you had a crappy voice... well... that was my opinion of it and well I apologize for it... but still... to keep a grudge over something like this?? :S :S :S I just find that downright weird... there are much better things to do man...

Anyways.. this was the only low point for me at this years onstage... overall it really was AWESOME!!... my neck still hurts from all that head banging... hahahaha.... I read a couple of moments ago.. a fellow blogger comment on respecting other peoples music choices... which is so true man... I mean you can't expect everyone to be like you... people might not agree sometimes.. thats just the way of the world.. you learn to deal with it...

Of Hangovers and Onstage Finals

Oh man what a wild and wacky weekend I've had.... Things you shouldn't spend your weekend doing.

Friday Night

GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED!!!! there was this uni party for the new batches at SSC.... and it was a friends birthday as well.. so head to bloemfield and went through 12 bottles of old arrack... before heading to SSC where i nicked a bottle of smirnoff from god knows where which was 3 quarter empty and drank it all neat... NOT a pretty sight... If you happen to be at the SSC and you saw a guy passed out on the couch... chances are that was me.... :$ thank god I had a ride home... came home.. at like 2.. managed to strip off my clothes and crash..... resulting hangover was NOT good... couldn't even keep water down.. for most of the day....

Saturday

After suffering from a major hangover... I had to come back to colombo to meet a lecturer at uni.. because he still hasn't approved my PPF.... and then met up with a friend of mine who came down from aussie....had lunch with her at Queens... and went to excel world after that.. met up with a few more people.. then went to visit my friends mom who s in hospital... then came back home... and got ready for onstage and went for it.... man oh man!! it was AWESOME!!!!
CIVILIZATION ONE!! was brilliant!!! I head banged so much my neck still hurts.. and my ears are still ringing and I've lost my voice as well... it was soooo majorly worth it!! and I got in for free too... hehehe thanks to M.o.M herself who bought me a ticket as my birthday present... =D... as usual the beer their sucked!! but it was nice to meet lots of old friends who I hadn't met up with awhile... saw the Ex-Bestfriend and Ex-Friend there as well... but you know what.. I just didn't care anymore.. the music was too good and they didn't ruin my mood.. so cheers to that... went back to F's place and crashed...

Sunday

Came home ate around 3 in the afternoon got a nice scolding by my parents... showered.. ate.. slept... said the usual round of congratulations to Mackie, Losharn, Myya and Dilshan the Nemesis gang who won the comp!! They were brilliant btw!!! Fade to Black, an original of theirs called Half-Cocked and for the acoustic round... Nadee Gangaa.. PURE BLISS!! they so totally deserved the title of BEST BAND. oh man my neck still hurts!! sigh..... I'd sooo love a neck massage right now... any takers??? hehehehe...

Hope you all had a good one as well.. and heres to a great week!! =D

Invasion of the Dream Girl

It happened to me again last night.... she appeared in my dream again.... why can't I remember what she looked like... sigh.... I remember holding her... kissing her... hugging her.. but I just can't put a face on her... AARRGGHH!! Just holding her hand in my dream felt so real men.. I was so happy.. why the hell did I have to wake up.. sigh... Who are you dream girl?? Why do you torment me so? Will I ever meet you? Or are you something my mind created to fill up the void inside of me?.... sigh....

HOLY SHIT!! I'm an Year Older!!

So... the day has finally dawned.. its the big kahuna day... had an awesome time last night... decided to greet the new year with a bunch of my friends... although for once we didn't get wasted... mixed feelings about that hehehehehe.... Thought I'd treat the buggers to dinner for once so I decided on cinnamon and cheers pub.. the blokes met up at around 9 ish and then we headed down there... it was an awesome atmosphere last night.. there were some rugby matches going on so there was a good crowd of locals and foreignors.... had corona beer for the first time... was yummy... so much taster than the carlsberg or the local brewery stuff.... then had a few bites to eat.... and headed to the garden... the bay breeze bar or something was its name... it was like around 10 minutes to mid-night and D day so i ordered us a round of tequila shots... yum yum.... on the stroke of mid-night we chugged down the shots hehehehe...... the feeling of high was brilliant.... for a wonder though we dint really booze alot last night.. plus the place was closing up so decided to go to pila for a bite.... and ended up eating chicken kottu and ice milo's..... came to pettah at around 2ish to get an airport bus... man hehehe had a time there as well cos the bus only left at 3... had to wait so was roaming around pettah and so this lovely little thing at stall heheh imagine that:

So i decided to treat myself to a birthday gift hehehehe... reached home at around 4ish I guess... and crashed...got up awhile back.. still getting wishes by friends and family... now I have to go all the way to my sisters place in battaramulla.. thats where we were yesterday... oh man.. the manual labour.. god damn it... that was tiring.. pulling out weeds... cutting the grass.. cleaning up the place sigh... my palms are still hurting from using the visikaththa.. hope i got that right... so now i have to go back.. and I'm gonna spend the day with my parents...

I'm glad this birthday didn't turn out to be like my last... although... I dint receive any wishes from ex-friend and ex-best friend(SHE).. which kinda made me sad for a bit... but... I have better things to worry about... although.. If it was me.. I'd still wish them... anyways moving on... I need to go wash up and get my cute ass to battaramulla.. heres hoping you guys had an awesome weekend.

Cheers

WHY? WHY? WHY?

Do you ever wish that you could erase a certain bit of your life? that maybe you could save yourself from some heartache... there's a saying " It's better to have loved and lost, rather than not loved at all" I disagree immensely with this statement... If I knew that I'd be suffering this much then I wouldn't have loved at all in the first place...

Sigh the days was going so well... I had everything planned out... go for lectures.. sit and finish my PPF and then SHE showed up... fucking hell that was unexpected... there I was seated with my friends just talking about random stuff and she steps out of the lift.. ARRGGHH.. I don't know what exactly happened but it was like my heart expanded and exploded within me.... My hands began to tremble... my pulse began to race... and the cravings came back... I sooo fucking wanted a drink in my hand right then.... I don't know why I do this to myself... Its OVER men.. there's no point in thinking about her anymore... she made her decision... It's really pathetic!!

Do you ever have battles in your mind where the thoughts of your head battle it out with each other for dominance? Let me take you on a trip into the workings of my messed up mind... On the particular subject of HER, my mind is divided into 2: One side absolutely loathes her for what she did to me and for what I'm going and went through... the other still cares for her because of the times we had and the person that she is...

There she was walking around uni... and I know she spotted me and obviously I saw her as well... I just pretended to talk with my friends.. trying to ignore her... laughing at the jokes they were saying and pretending not to notice her... It's just really bloody painful to be anywhere near her for me and I don't think I 'll ever be ok with what happened.... My mind goes Fuck It man you know you deserve better.. but then I remember what we had.... ARRGGHH stupid fucking piece of shit!!... *MIND EXPLODES*

Why the hell do I have to care about her?? I mean she has nothing to do with me anymore.. and I have nothing to do with her... YET?? why do I feel this way? Why can't I just let go and move on? Maybe in some level I have done that but still.... she still affects me in some kind of way.. after EVERYTHING that has happened... sigh... I should be better prepared men... I know that I'll eventually run into her anyhow because we move in relatively the same circles of friends... and I'll definitely be running into her at the convocation and graduation ball...

How do you lock up your feelings within you?? and not open pandora's box... I so know how Lady D feels now... I wish I could become a closed book.. be jaded and be void of any feelings... just enjoy the things I have in life and not think about the past....

Life!!

hmmm... life's been pretty much mundane lately... been going to uni and going for rugby practices and that's about it... damn going to be an year older this Sunday.. guess it hasn't quite sunken in yet... shouldn't think about it too much... hopefully I'll be able to go out Saturday night and PAAARRRTTTAAAYY!!! hehehehe... last year was such an absolute horror of a birthday... got stranded by my bestfriends which really pissed me off and I didn't speak to the for ages... hopefully this year will be different... on other news I have to submit my Project Proposal Form (PPF) this friday... sigh... for my Final Year Project.... Its a Optical Music Recognition software which incorporates audio rendering as well.... in a nut shell it takes in sheet music and converts them into audio... well thats my project now have to think of a way to do it.... ARRGGHHH!!!..... My biggest problem is that I don't have a fricking problem statement for it... sigh........... oh I've been obsessed with Metallica's Fade to Black and The Day That Never Comes.... just cant get enough of the two songs... METALLICA RULES!!! \m/

Boyce Avenue - Chasing Cars (acoustic)

Another Great cover.... man this is one of my favorite songs... plus i can play it as well on the guitar =D hehehehe...

Nadee ganga (Cover)

This is my friends band... who are finalists of Onstage 2008... they did this cover awhile back.. and its awesome... they played the same song for the semi.. in the acoustic category.. and they blew away the crowd..

oh btw people hope you come for the finals cos Chitral Somapala aka Chitty himself who sings the original will be performing.. hope to catch you guys there.. \m/

This Ones for the Weekend

So after all the eventfulness of my past few weeks I'm spending the weekend doing some manual labour... sigh.. NOT what I wanted to do.... but family obligations... going to my sisters house to clean the place up as they are in the UK... so wont be back till Sunday I guess... no net, no tv.. sigh.. gosh how am I gonna survive... I hate absolutely HATE manual labour and I'm always the one who gets picked for it... AARRRGGHHH!!!.. like last weekend I had to cut down/trim the branches of our Avacado tree which is like HUGE ! its like 20 feet tall!! I had to climb up and that totally fucked my knee but oh no the 'rents don't care about that... as long as the tree gets cut thats all that matters... sigh..... by the time I was done my hands were blistered, my legs scratched and I was absolutely knackered... sigh... all I know is when I get my own place I'm soooooooo hiring someone to do all the hard work.. I mean come on!! I'm not a frickin' servant!!! sheeeesh... so sayonara folks... hope you have a better weekend than I.. oh and those of you who ARE going for Onstage please take a few videos and please upload them so yours truly can see the performances.....

Cry Me a River - Acappella

hehehehe niiiice acapella version... very creative and cool

Tagged!! ARRRGGHHHH NOOOOOOOOooooo

sigh.. so I've been tagged.. now I have to write up a post on the Have I's and Haven't I's

so lets start with the Never Have I's

• had a relationship last more than 6 months.
• felt like I actually belonged here.
• felt really really good about myself.
• gone hang gliding
• gone bungee jumping
• gone sky diving
• had the luxury to soul search and figure out what I'm supposed to do with my life
• finished something I've started
• had someone have a crush on me
• had an uncomplicated day in my entire life

there are more but I cant think of any right now... cos all that thinking got me depressed and the cravings are back again... so moving on to the Have I's

• been caught making out at uni by a lecturer/administration person
  
• lied to my parents at point blank without feeling any type of remorse
• hurt someone intentionally
• hurt someone unintentionally
• cheated on an exam
  
• bluffed my way through an exam/presentation/viva
• ride around drunk in the middle of the night with a girl riding pillion rider and she being drunk too.
• lied to the cops about whether i drank or not
• regretted the person that I am
• spent the entire day with a really hot chick at her place
• been the other man
• gone for a gig one night and gotten wasted then come back home at 3 in the morning, having the bus stall half way through gotten down and helped the bus conductor push the bus to petrol shed to find out that it wasn't empty of fuel then had to walk all the way home reaching home at 6 in the morning only to have slept awhile then gotten up at 11 and gone to a friends place for a lunch and booze again..
• slipped on the bathroom floor after having a bath and land my chin on the tub therefore splitting it and having to had stitches.
• have a lit tube light fall into the fish tank and put my hand in to grab the said tube light, only to have gotten myself electrocuted upon touching the tube light.
• gotten so wasted on 31st night that i puked all over my friends garden and had to be lifted to his son's room only to puke all over the said room... (was not a good night)

Damn it hehehe thts all I can think of.... how boring am I??? =(

Boyce Avenue - The Verve Cover -The Freshmen (acoustic)

man i've been a huge fan of these guys for a very long time... they some really cool covers and originals

Pre-Poya Booze Night =D

So the alcoholic in me won over the good boy again and I was in such a mood to do something crazy and drink till the morn... yesterday was an errmm.. hmm.. ok day.. did the usual routine stuff with a few added benefits =D.. I went to uni for my two lectures than after that it was my school's prize giving so headed over for that.. it was quite depressing actually.. all these small battaa's now all grown up... almost all of the teachers that taught us have retired sigh.... so it was a bit boring... so then I returned back to uni expecting to go home... and maybe eat dinner and then come back to colombo in the night to go get piss drunk at this party in Zanziba... but upon arriving at uni I got dragged into this toastmasters club thingy.. and had to wait till that thing got over.. it was fun.. random people talking and coming up with impromptu speeches... hehe.. so by the time that was over it was 8 PM... so i decided to go to dehiwala, to this little spot near the seaside called The Station.. ahhh.. lovely place.. good food, good booze, good company... earlier in the day I called up one of my onstage band buddies and told him my plans for a wasted night and he was also up for it.. so we decided to meet here... so when I got to the station I also called up F and asked him to join us and bring some friends along for dinner and drinks...

So there I was standing outside Station waiting for my friends to show.... and ended up having this really interesting chat with the sikka uncle.... hehehe... finally the band buggers came... to see they had been walking along the beach and some people had flashed a torch at them... they had ignored it and kept on walking thinking that it was some pathetic beach boy.. the next moment they are surrounded by soldiers pointing guns at them.. apparently you aren't supposed to walk on the beach after 6 PM.. crazy huh... hehehe.... so we sat down to the main event and was about to order when F arrived with his buddies... so they ordered some dinner and we got a bottle of Rockland White Rum yum yum hehe yes Lady D would be proud hehehe... and a drinking did we go.. hahaha.. it was so much fun.... we talked about so much of stuff.. love, life, work, studies.. it was a much needed escape... then we all piled into F's car and headed to SSC.. but unfortunately the bar there was close so we just sat on the lawn and talked into the morn like normal drunk people would do hahaha... odd topics like Loose Motion came up... plus one nippled women.. HAHAHA remembering it back now its soo funny.... I was in no shape to come all the way home and it was waaay too late.. so i decided to spend the night at my friends place in dehiwala.... and so thats what happened on my pre-poya booze night... another unforgetable memory to add to my list... and a much needed R & R for me...

Working Out and Fatigue...

I spent the last hour working out... It's something i try to do these days.. especially with the way I've been eating and putting on... I really needed it. It really feels good when you work up a great sweat.. well.. I've heard its a better work out when you have sex but well.. I guess I'll find that out later.. lol.. hahaha... I'm tired right now... I went through my exercises of AB workouts.. push ups and more AB workouts until finally ending it up with a triceps work out called the Roman Chair.. very effective indeed.. hopefully I can continue like this.. I've been doing atleast a minimum of 50 situps a day.. for the past few days.. and hoping to continue it....

It hurts like a bitch the day after but still in the long run its worth it... to get that perfect 6 PACK is a dream I've wanted to achieve for a long time... heres to hoping to achieve the dream... I used to do free weights but I don't want to risk it right now because of my knee... ever since that rugby injury it's never been the same... it just all of a sudden locks up and it starts to hurt like anything... I really do need to get it checked out but just haven't had the time lately... maybe if I loose the weight it'll be alright... I probably should go to the gym tomorrow after uni and do a proper workout... it really suprises me when I look at old photos of myself from around 4 years back and I see the change and transformation I have gone through... that scrawny... thin kid is not so scrawny anymore.... I'm even larger than some of my classmates who used to be twice my size back then... but one thing I am proud of is the V shaped torso i have... and I plan to keep maintaining it...

Blogging! Why do we do it?

Why do we blog? that's a question i frequently ask myself... why do i blog? is it just to rant out my emotions and just put down my thoughts that are running through my head? or is it that we actually like knowing that somewhere out there someone would read what we posted and agree with what we say.. or disagree even for that matter.... I've always used my blog to channel out my feelings be it hurt or disappointment or even pain and happiness...

It's just a medium of channeling it out.. but does that change when people start commenting on your blog? do you start thinking if I write up a post about this topic would people be offended? once again you ask yourself why do you blog? I recently wrote this post... maybe I wasn't in the right frame of mine to write it.. maybe I shouldn't have written it and worded it the way I did... but it was MY POST and that was what I was feeling at that moment when I wrote it....

Do I still feel the same way about women? No... I'm not that naive.. So to people out there who read that post, I'm sorry if I offended you.. but I do have to remind you that this is MY BLOG and what I write about is up to me... If you don't like it well you always have the pleasure of not reading it.. :-)....

All American Rejects - Move Along (Acoustic)

Go ahead as you waste your days with thinking
When you fall everyone sins
Another day and you've had your fill of sinking
With the life held in your
Hands are shaking cold
These hands are meant to hold

Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
Move along
Move along

So a day when you've lost yourself completely
Could be a night when your life ends
Such a heart that will lead you to deceiving
All the pain held in your
Hands are shaking cold
Your hands are mine to hold

Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
Move along
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)

When everything is wrong we move along
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)
When everything is wrong, we move along
Along, along, along

When all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
[x3]

(Move along)
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)
Right back what is wrong
We move along

just stumbled on to this song whilst going thru my music collection.... so what i need to do!!

Parents!! Why Cant They Understand!!

Why can't they see that I'm not happy!! why can't they realize that this isn't what i want to do.. I know i wasted 3 years of my life following this degree.. but its not for me!! I finally know what i want... why can't they see this... why do they have to be so gosh darned SELFISH ! I tried doing this things their way.. I've been trying to be someone I'm not for the past 3 years... I just cant do this anymore!! NO MORE!!

I'm leaving next year.. whatever happens.. I've decided I'm leaving home.. as soon as i get a job.. I'm gonna find a place to stay.. I just can't live like this anymore.. I just can't be the person they want me to be...

Why can't they see how unhappy i am? sigh...........

Suprise, Suprise

hmm.. as i sit here in front of my machine.. wondering what to type.. its 1 am and I'm wondering what to blog about.. life's been Topsy Turvy lately but when has it ever not... funny thing happened to me at uni today.. it was during a break and i was waiting outside one of our computer labs and was seated on this ledge kinda thingy.. well its where all of us sit and just talk or just babe watch or what ever hehehe... and down the stairs came these 3 girls... and one of them was really really cute... so i was like.. i signaled to a friend like we always do when we see a nice looking girl.. i know i know.. pathetic.. but what to do... and well.. guess what happens next... she comes towards me and sits right next to me... i was like :O oh my god!!! now what am i gonna do.. hehehehehe.. talk about awkward.. so i kinda was just talking to my friend.. and she waited awhile next to me.. and mind you there was plenty of space in the ledge.. she dint have to come and sit next to me but she did... hehehehe.. was really taken back because these things usually dont happen to me... anyways.. later on... i find out that she's a friend of a friend's girlfriend.. so there goes that hehehe... ok this is WEIRD.. its 1 AM and I'm STARVING!!! WTF is wrong with me... sigh... plus im craving for a drink as well... mmm.. to have a glass of JD right now... sigh...
this is really bad.. but still.. fucking hell... i wish i was at Cheers Pub again.. eating those Nachos and that fish and chips.. and washing it down with a pint.. sigh........

Crossroads

hmm.. I feel like I'm at a crossroad in my life and I'm really not sure what I want to do.. i have around 7 months to go to finish my degree.. but i know that even if i finish it.. i wont be following a career in software engineering.. I'd really like to get into a more people oriented role like client services in advertising, public relations or brand management.. sigh... I've been thinking about dropping out of Uni these days.. I worked in the IT industry for about an year in this prestigious Software House and it was a very miserable year.. the work was challenging and good but it just didn't match my personality.. Its a very introvertish industry and i know i dont want to be in it for the rest of my lives... its weird.. i know what i DONT want to do, but not what i WANT to do... its so confusing...

Uni is pretty awful these days.. i cant even understand the simplest of things.. the lecturers just keep looking at us like we are some dumb morons.. and the thing is we actually are.. even the basics we dont know.. its really depressing.. I know its going to be a waste of 3 years if i just drop out but.. i just dont see the point of continuing when i dont understand jack and i know im going to fail.. sigh... then again i wonder if anyone would hire me as i did one career path and now want to follow a totally different one... i just want to find something that I'm good at and I'm happy doing. I'm not going to settle anymore.. i want to find something i LOVE doing!!!

I NEED HELP!!!! sigh!!!! :(

Arrack Attack (Matrix Version) by Powercut Circus

Its Official!! I'm a Bebadda!! That's Sinhalese for Alcoholic for those of you who don't know... So just thought I'd put this brilliant song up hehehehe.... I know drinking isn't the going to solve the problem but at least it'll numb the pain.. and for an overly emotional guy.. that's GOOD!!

Enjoy the Song People!!

Self-Realization

hmm... so the last weekend was an eye opener... i guess 1 bottle of Jack Daniels and a bottle of Rockland White Rum gives you some serious self thinking time.. i have this theory or rather heard of it.. but can't remember from where.. its like this... in the wild lets take for example this herd of wildebeests... the weakest members get killed off first therefore making the herd stronger as only the best survive... so when you apply it to your brain cells... they say when you drink, it kills off brain cells.. so when you apply this theory here.. you are left with the smartest brain cells.. that's why when you are drunk you come up with the most intelligent things..

what relation does it have here... well i did some serious thinking over this weekend and it finally hit me.. i will never truly be happy... all my life I've been trying to conform to others and I haven't been happy.. nothings ever really made me happy.. the only time i was happy was when i was with her for that short period of time.. have you ever felt true happiness? truly felt content? when i was holding her i felt all my troubles wash away.. here was a person just like me.. she cared never endingly about everything in this world except for herself.. just like i cared for everything in this world except me... we took care of each other.. we made each other happy.. there were so many problems between us but when we were together we dint feel any of the problems that weighed down on us.. it just felt perfect...

once you feel something like that nothing can compare.. in the end we dint work out.. or rather its just so complicated that the world dint allow us to be together.. but still.. i hate myself for letting her go and i hate myself because i know that any other girl i am with.. i will always compare whatever we share with what i had with her.. and i know that in the end.. it wouldn't even come close.. i will never be truly happy unless i am with her.. and that is a fact that really dawned on me this weekend..

it started with something that happened between 2 of my really close friends.. we are 4 individuals with really different personalities... 2 guys and 2 girls.. F and Me (guys) and then you get the 2 girls B and N... all four of us have history. F and B used to go out a long time back and so did N and me... but it dint work out.. and the four of us have always been friends... well not always.. i used to hate F for what he did to B and we even came close to fists but then somewhere down the line all was forgotten and forgiven. i really got to know him because he was my best buds cousin and then we've all just been friends... F was in UK and he came down a last week and we did what we always do when he comes down.. get set for a booze filled weekend.. this time... something happened though.. you see F has been in love with this borah girl for the last 5 years but they can't be together because of the religious and race issues.. sound familiar?... and on Friday night we had a really really heavy Jack Daniels session and all of us were wasted to the core... but B was the only sober person as she was sick and couldn't drink.. so the next morning when i woke up heavily hung over.. i found out that something had happened between F and B... B actually came and told me about it.. you see i've always known that B was never truly over F.. but F's in love with that borah girl.. sigh.. i know... fucking complicated init.... so apparently in the middle of the night.. while we were all wasted and asleep these 2 were together and something led to another and they had made out.. and what was worse was that F's mom had caught them.... i was really pissed off when i found out and wanted to confront F but B begged me not to... this happened in the wee hours of Saturday morning... so Saturday night we had another booze session and i finally confronted him about what happened.. he actually ran away from me... but i was adamant and told him we are having this conversation... then later on when we did.. holy fuck it was the craziest thing.. he was too scared to talk to me... he actually sang it all out... you see when we have a booze session we jam on our guitars and sing songs.. so we were in the middle of it when he starts singing about what happened and how much sorry he was about it.. and how much he regretted it.. and he knows how much she loves him but.. he cant be with her because he loves this other girl.. its been 5 years and its still the same.. damn!! and it got me thinking sigh... we are the same.. F and me... no matter what we do we will always love these people and nothing can compare to this love.. even if someone else loved us.. it still wouldn't be the same as we wouldn't care about them as we do about these 2... and the worse part is i know B is kinda going through the same thing... she's been rebounding from one guy to the other ever since they broke up... sigh... Life is so fucking complicated!!!

I've hurt so many people by trying to run away from this... but i cant do this anymore... i cant keep denying it.. I've tried to run away from her before but life just keeps throwing us together over and over again.. so in all fairness and honesty.. i know 5 years down the line.. my feelings for her still wont change... so its only fair that i stay away from others.. i cant keep hurting others... I've decided I'm going to be alone... because i know each of us deserve to be loved whole heartedly by our respective others... and we deserve a love just like the love i shared with her.. and i know i can't promise that kind of love to another... and anything i have with anyone else would just never be the same...

F and Me we are the same.... we fell for the wrong girl and now we cant move on.. because we know we can never give another what we gave them or another can never satisfy us the way they did... so its only fair we not get involved with another... Life Really is Weird and Fucked Up... but I'll be fine... there are things to occupy me.. I'm okay with being alone.. it used to be one of my biggest fears.. not anymore... I'm perfectly okay with it now... I guess some people are just too fucked up to be happy.. :D

to the people I've hurt I'm really sorry for what I've put you through... and here's hoping it never happens again...

A Bottle of JD, 2 Guitars and 3 Heart-Broken Singers = One Brilliant Song

Dreams - JAR, FH, FINroD

Lay your head down on my pillow and close your eyes
Don’t you worry? I’ll be with you until the end of time
Have I told you? That I love you and your gorgeous smile
I never knew what true love was, It was you all the while

Bridge 1:
I found a reason to live.

Chorus:
Do dreams come true when I’m dreaming?
All the lonely nights that I dreamt of you
Running back to me with arms wide open
Dreams…. Dreams I wish, they came true…

Verse 2:
I’ve been waiting for your answer don’t tease my mind
All the troubles that I went through was to have you by my side
When you’re not with me, I feel empty and I’m burning up inside
Now that you’re gone, can I move on… and leave this all behind


Bridge 2:
I need a reason to live……

Chorus

Main Bridge:
Please come back to me cos I cant keep moving on
You are the light to my life and I know that you are the one.

Chorus On a Higher Note..


This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.

The Chronicles of the Boobie Mug

Well yesterday when i came back home from driving lessons i found out that my favorite blue mug had been demolished by my father.. accidentally.. apparently he had tried to take his mug from this little mug rack kinda thingy which holds all our mugs and then the entire thing had toppled over smashing all but 2 of the mugs.. the one he was holding and my mum's mug.. which left me with no mug.. sniff sniff.. so i had to end up using this mug... this was given to me by a old office colleague when i was working there. she went to Malaysia on holiday and brought each of us guys at office a mug lyk this. ive been keeping this safely in its box but now i get to use it.. plus i have the perfect excuse as well..
MUAHAHAHAHA i know.. pure genius init

DON'T PANIC

Did you hear that!! Booming in the distance...
well according to http://www.adaderana.lk/

"Fire at Kelanitissa

Kealanitissa power station was supposed to have been hit by bombs dropped by an LTT light air craft and there is a fire as a result confirm defense sources"

"Firing in Colombo a precautionary measure

Sri Lanka Defense forces fired at suspected LTTE light air in Colombo as a precautionary measure short while ago."

"LTTE alight air crafts drops two bombs

LTTE light air craft drops two bombs to Taladdi area in Mannar says Militery spokesman"

To everyone out there i hope you are safe!!! love you all

DREAM THEATER - Forsaken

awesome song... was just introduced to this by Mackie.. thanks bro.. freaky vid as well..

A Very Shitty End to a Very Good Night...

Sigh.. those fucking fucktards!!! how could they allow something like that to happen sigh... Taj Samudra SUCKS!!! worst service EVER!! sigh.. im definitely not going to park there ever again... fucking fucktards.... sigh... i went for Onstage again today.. thanks to a friend of mine.. hehe bugger calls me up yesterday and says dude have an extrs ticket for tomorrow wanna come? but please bring the transport. i was like awesome free ticket lets roll.. came there had an awesome times.. the music was tripping.. it was Soloist night, but the house band called "Black" was exceptional!! they were brilliant.. the talent was good too.. really enjoyed myself.. oh ran into Ms. X-bestfriend again.. errmm.. it was a little bit less weirder this time than the last.. i think im finally getting ok with this.. i mean we did start chatting again.. but i dont think we'll ever go back to what we were... she looked nice.. was wearing this cute little orange dress... anyways... moving on.. so well the show ended.. and we were on our way out.. my friend and i.. came near my bike to find my helmet missing!!! GONE!! VANISHED!! KAPUT!! ARRRGGHHH WTF!!! we spoke to the guards and they were like sir you should look after your own belongings we are not responsible. WTF!! and you what brilliant there was a tuk tuk next to my bike and it was ransacked as well.. apparently there's this gang that comes and steals all these stuff, but the guards can't do anything about it. bloody fucktards!! the whole lot of them!!

and to make matters more brilliant someone had stolen a PRADO out of the car park!! hahaha can you imagine that! a PRADO!! a SUV daaaaammmnnn... thats just bizarre imagine the guards telling the owner sorry sir we are not responsible... ARSEHOLES!!!!! so i had no choice, my friend and i had to come home on the bike with one helmet... i wore that and thank god the arseholes hadn't taken my rain coat.. my friend wore that. imagine going through the streets of Colombo at 12.30 am... going past army and police check points all the way home... man i was scarred shitless... and worst yet now i have to tell my parents tomorrow why theres a helmet missing...sigh... such a brilliant night.. came to such a pathetic end.. arrrgghh.. CURSE THE BASTARDS WHO STOLE MY HELMET!! and CURSE THE GUARDS OF TAJ SAMUDRA and last but not the least CURSE TAJ SAMUDRA!!!! FUcktarDs the LOT of them!! hmph!

Who are we kidding?

life is complicated... life is weird... life tends to fuck you a lot... I've made many mistakes in life... but one thing I've staunchly believed was all people have some good in them.. nobody is purely evil... there must have been something that had happened to make them that way... my faith has always been in people rather than in life.. but i could be speaking bullshit here... i just didn't know anything anymore.. don't know what to believe? what to do? I feel like what i felt last year.... maybe its the weather..maybe its what has happened during the past few weeks... but i sense depression in the air... i am a void... empty... lost.. last year i almost took my life.. it was bad.. pathetic... and if it wasn't for certain close friends who knows what would have happened... i thought id never go down that road again.. told myself that i wudnt... but i dont know...

don't you ever want to just crawl into a tiny space and die.. escape from this world... run away.. start a new... erase your past...... i just don't have the faith or hope to go on anymore... what is the purpose of all this suffering? why are we here? what are we supposed to do? why do we have to suffer?

oh fuck it i just don't care anymore..... FUCK YOU ! and FUCK OFF !

Mood Phrases

here are a couple of phrases that state my current mind set right now.....

* hanging by a thread...

* testing my patience...

* trying to stay calm...

* falling into a never ending pit hole...

* feeling really depressed...

* loneliness has returned...

* feeling abandoned...

* feeling brain dead...

* needing a drink really really bad...

sigh........ the rest i just cant put into words....

For You I'd Wait, 'till Kingdom Come!!

This is going out to the person who called me Gay for listening to Coldplay, incidently they happen to be my favorite band.. just love there stuff... so this one's for u Sabrina... If listening to Coldplay makes me gay then so be it!! :P

Til Kingdom Come

Steal my heart and hold my tongue
I feel my time
My time has come
Let me in
Unlock the door
I never felt this way before

And the wheels just keep on turning
The drummer begins to drum
I don’t know which way I’m going
I don’t know which way I’ve come

Hold my head inside your hands
I need someone who understands
I need someone, someone who hears
For you I’ve waited all these years

For you I’d wait 'til kingdom come
Until my day, my day is done
And say you'll come and set me free
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me

In your tears and in your blood
In your fire and in your flood
I hear you laugh, I heard you sing
I wouldn’t change a single thing
And the wheels just keep on turning
The drummers begin to drum
I don’t know which way I’m going
I don’t know what I’ve become

For you I’d wait 'til kingdom come
Until my days, my days are done
And say you'll come and set me free
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me

The Waiting Commences

So now the waiting begins... i wait and wait and wait and wait...

the ball is in your court... its your move...

I ll be waiting...

Pain!! Pain!! Fucking Pain!!

Pardon my french but im in total pain right now... my jaw feels like tiny little construction workers are drilling into my teeth using power tools... arrrgghh.... a combination of wisdom teeth coming out and a bad molar tooth that needs to be checked.. sigh... on to of that im sick as well.. bloody phlem cough and bad bad cold arrrgghh... its like someone once said, when i get ill i get ill BAD!!... sigh somebody kill me NOW!!

Uni Day 2

So today was my second day at uni... was kind of dreading it too.. had lectures at 9 am sigh.... and had lectures the entire day.. well first up was project management with Mr. Cyprus.. it was alryt i guess... then a little bit of the long haired dude and he spoke a bit on our final year project... still scares the beegeezez out of me... but he let us off early so we were just loitering around uni.. meeting up with the old buggers... and then this idiot of a friend dragged me off for a booze.. YES having White Label at 12 in the afternoon is a brilliant way to start your afternoon session... i was on an empty stomach as well so ordered this mixed rice as a bite..... so was munching on that and enjoying the booze hehehehe.... thank god we just had 1 bottle otherwise we'd never have gone for the afternoon session... came back to uni... ate lunch... and was sobered up by then.... but hehehe did keep kind of nodding off during the lecture.. i blame it on Information Overload rather than the wee amount of alcohol in my system.. the next and final lecture was utter crap!! dont like this new lecturer at all.. he s got no rapport with the students... well then after that was over was just hangin around once again... and got hungry again... so went to eat... had a mix of egg rotti, parata, egg hopper.. yum yum yum hehehe.... yes yes i know ive been hogging like anything these days.... must start working out again.. sigh... thank god tomorrow is a holiday.. Yipee no lectures... must go visit grandpa again....

D Day is upon us

so today was the day i started my lectures for my final year... had 2 lectures in the afternoon.. one called Design Patterns by Mr. RockerWannabeAbsentMindedProfessor... shit long name init.. hehe... then this module called Concurrent Programming.. something i cant really remember.. some new lecturer absolutely hopeless.. but the entire thing scarred the shit out of me.. i got up in the morning with a really bad cough... oh man it hurt lyk a bitch.... so i got some cough syrup and that really did wonders.... coughed out most of the phlem... then went to uni in the afternoon... first lect was pretty all right but made a huge mistake of having lunch before it.. hence kept dozing off in the middle of the lecturers talk... the 2nd one was scary .. i can finally say that i remember JACK of any of the knowledge passed on to me... sigh..... couldn't remember anything... i need to learn this stuff all over again... sigh....... then came home.... watched some more of supernatural... oh man.. the new season is brilliant.... always a fan of that show... must download the new Heroes epi as well.... knee still kinda hurts... i think it something to do with my knee cap... should get it checked out... but dont want to alarm the 'rents especially with this situation with my grandpa.. he was discharged today.. but the doctors were like well theres nothing more we can do.. i think its his heart.. anyways they told us to keep him happy as ever... must go visit him again....

Weird Week

So ive been having a really odd week... well u could say 2 weeks i guess.. after the halabaloo of last week.. i finally got a message from france which really made me smile and uplift my spirit... but i wonder if she's been getting all my messages that i sent her... i hope so... oh well the weekend was a total disaster... and well i heard that my granddad's been admitted to hospital so went to see him today... he was so happy to see us.. i hope he gets well... although he is 94 and has lived a pretty good and long life... but still.. he s my granddad and i love him.. hope he gets well... oh i started driving lessons finally... its been going alryt.. the instructors kind of strict but he s good.. must continue and finish it off... so i start lectures tomorrow... hmm.. mixed feelings... sigh.... boy i miss her... freaky how much a person can miss someone... sigh.... its been a difficult 2 weeks... the knee's acting up again... sigh... been hurting me quite a bit... results of playing rugby i guess.. busted left ankle.. busted right knee...  this post is all over the place... guess im all over the place... sigh.. i ll just leave you with this... from my favorite band ever...

"Just because im Losing, doesn't mean im Lost"

TNL Onstage

went for TNL Onstage last night... it was absolutely bull shit... sigh... almost all theb ands sucked sigh.... what a dreadfull day and even more terrible night... sigh... waste of my money..

Come Back to Me

sigh.......fuck i miss you.... :( :( come back to me please..... i still love you no matter what.... sigh...

Filter!! boy, Filter!!!

sigh.... crap... i always tend to say things without thinking about the consequences sigh...... wow what a day... my girlfriend breaks up with me and jets off to france... i win 2 free tickets for tnl onstage and i had to go to uni... arrggh!!! and the worst thing is... im on air.. the entire country is listening to me on the Big Show and the RJ asks me so FINrod how u been? and i go... not good.. my girlfriend just broke up with me... FUUUUUCK!! why the hell did i have to say tht?? next thing i know even an ex flame txts me and even an ex friend.... FUCK wonder who else heard me on air.... this is baaaaaaad... i need to go find a place to bury myself in....ARRRRGGGHHH!!! 

Appreciation

so it comes down to this... i dont appreciate people hmm.... you know what?? maybe it is true.. i mean this is the 2nd person to have loved me and told me that i dont appreciate them.... so who knows maybe it is true... maybe i really dont appreciate people...

Behold I am Mr. Bubble Burster.... 

Waiting.....

Once you calm down and think things through then contact me untill then ill be waiting for you... ive let someone i loved be taken away from me before theres noway in HELL im gonna let u be taken from me either... i love you.. and i always will... u kno where to find me...

You Dont Give on the Person you love especially if she says that she loves you too....

Confused, Perplexed, Mind Boggling

what just happened?? :S :S :S :S why did you get angry with me?? just because i didn't want you or me to see other people?? :S :S what the hell's going on? sure i know we may not be together together yet but i thought that we were together :S oh god even that's confusing.... and i didn't even get angry :S :S i was just thoroughly confused becos if u loved me then why in the world would u want me or you to see other people :S :S...... whats going on here??? :S :S :S :S

oh fuck!!! :S

Back to Uni

So today i just decided to come back to uni and hang out with my friends again... b4 the hecticness of my final year starts.. it was fun.. we laughed.. made fun of ppl.... laughed some more... ate alot...

you always tend to have a great time when in the company of some really good people... but even with all that deep down i knew i was missing her... i kept wishing she was here with me instead in stupid ol malaysia.. i wanted for her to experience the fun that i was having...

sigh....... i miss her...

Why, Why, Why???

God why have u made women so difficult to handle?? even after u sit down and explain to them that we as men do not intentionally ignore them!! sometimes we have things to do that we cant stay away from.. why cant they see the big picture? you know that i care about you deeply but yet u hurt me by ignoring me when i did nothing wrong.. i explained to you very nicely and lovingly the reasons why i couldnt talk to at that time but NO u had to have it your way!! Why darling?? Why? 

December Yearnings

As some of you wudve realized theres been a changed going through my blog and the posts ive added recently.. Its because ive changed... its because im for once actually Happy and the cause for that happiness resides thousands of miles away in a little land called La La Land.. its funny how by a strange twist of fate or in this case a mutual friend whom im wondering whether to thank immensely or throttle his neck... that two people actually met and hit it off... its actually quite scary because these kind of things are not common in real life.. these are stuff for the movies.. but no its actually happening we met we collided we actually rocked each others world.. its lyk everything fell into place... she was the missing piece thath something something that he was looking for all his life.. and he was the unexpected encounter who shattered her properly made plans asunder... the more they spoke the more they got closer and closer until they actually realized that they were falling for each other... 

When this happened they both panicked! this cud not be happening cud it? how can two people who ve nvr met each other fall for one another.. but they cudnt escape this sense of happiness and bliss... and decided on a plan.. the plan was for them to meet up when she wud be coming down from La La Land in December... untill that time they would be using the time to get to know each other more... the problem was the more the talked the more they got closer telling each other secrets that they had never shared with others before... he told her of his past encouters and shatterings of his brutalized heart and she told him of her past misfortunate experiences... they told each other of their plans for their respective futures and thats where things became a little hazy... you see he was some what of a floater who dint really know what he wanted where as she was a more methodical, strategic person who had a plan.. after much debate and talk he decided that the one thing he wanted in this world was to be with her and that he would go to any lengths to get what he wanted.. so the floater became a planner... and she figured out a way to include him in her plans and they started contemplating on a future together..

This future would all depend on decembers meeting where this would be clarified and decided.. but deep down inside they both knew what would happen... she d give him her concerned thoughtfull look... he d give her his boyish grin... and they d be hooked.. the future is already decided... he s found the savior of his soul and a love that would make him truely happy forever and she s found that someone who she d care for like none other and who knew how to make her happy... They both know its gonna take alot of work.. but its gonna be worth it at the end of the day when they she s their tightly snugged in his arms... and he feels the warmth of her body  slowly bring life into his once cold heart again....

I found what ive been searching for...for so long... and now, nothings gonna take it away from me.. Nothing!!... My thoughts and heart are yours forever.... i cant wait to meet you my love in december and embark on this journey we have instore for us...

Possibilities

....is it possible that someone can actually love me

....is it possible that two people can connect so quickly within such a short period of time

....is it possible that i could find someone that makes me want to be a better person

....is it possible that the greatest thing i yearn for is to have you in my arms right now

....is it possible that i went through all the shit i experienced just to find you

....is it possible that someone can actually make me happy

....is it possible that the only time im truely at peace is when im talking to you

....is it possible that you make me not want to be a floater no more

....is it possible that im the luckiest guy in the whole wide world

....is it possible that im falling for you

....is it possible that im scared shitless by this situation we are in

....is it possible that this is ACTUALLY happening

....is it possible...............

Musings of a Wannabe Good Boy & Shopping Sprees

So well ive been trying to be on my best behaviour for the past two weeks... sigh and 1 and a half to go.... never knew that being good was this hard man.... sheesh... you try getting up at 4 in the frickin morning... trying to shove food & water into yourself.. then pray... go to sleep.. wake up... do chores.. laze about the house.. pray.. do the same format... pray.. same format up untill break-fast time then eat a bit... pray... eat ALOT :P lol.... and then go to mosque for prayers.. sheesh honestly men... & all this tym abstaining from all the bad tempting things... sigh.... so that has been my routine for the past 2 weeks....

In other news.... sadly i dint have tht dream again... sigh :(.... oh i went shopping yesterday hmm... now im not what you would call a Metrosexual or anything but i do have my moments of good taste :P. sigh.... but its so hard to shop when you are on a budget.... so i just needed to buy a couple of trousers for uni which starts next month and a denim... well the denim was sorted out the previous day as me dad had gone & bought one of those LEE Trim Denims and decided it was too hip for him :P lol his misfortune was my fortune.. was able to nick it from him hehehehe.. id just lyk to state... men & women shop in Majorly different ways.. before a guy goes shopping he knows what exactly he wants to buy. so lyk me he walks into the shop spots what he wants & purchases it. theres no "honey what do u think of this one or that one". sheeesh honestly if thers one thing i hate its shopping with women.... rather loose my patience with them... 

So there i was @ this snazzy clothing store in Mahabage called Fashion Collection and man was i amazed... there collection of T-Shirts was WOW!! i soooo wanted to get some sigh.... but alas my stingy little purse dint allow it.... saw some splendid caps too.. O..o O..o and belts.... and for the piece-di-resistaunce (im sorry if i got tht wrong, my french SUCKS) there were these convo's to DIE for!! even RD wudve gone mental if he saw those pairs of shoes..... sigh... oh to be rich....

Anyways thats what my lifes been like... oh and i need to find myself a Final Year Project sigh... shit scared about starting uni next month.... hope i dont crash... sigh....

P.S was introduced to this REALLY cool someone last night by a good friend of mine.... had a really interesting & long chat with her.. Amazing how life keeps throwing u curve balls :P lol..

well thts it from me... untill next time.. Oh tht reminds me i need to finish off my Letting Go post

Wish I Knew Who you Are Dream Girl

So i had this really weird dream last night... i dont remember much of it.. but i do remember seeing this friend of mine Sharon in it... but thats not the weird bit.... that was me hugging a girl... but i cant remember who that girl was... all i know is she was shorter than me... average build... thts not too thin not too fat btw... & i was hugging her so much & she me... that i dint want to let go.. it just felt soo good.. soo perfect.. soo peacefull... i wanted to stay like that forever....

Pissed OFF!!!

so what? now im not supposed to have an opinion?? sheeesh!!!!
you know what?? fine i WONT read your online journal anymore....
HAPPY????

I Have Decided!!

i have decided.......
im not going to comment on your journal anymore..
im not going to send you text messages to comfort you anymore..
im not going to initiate online chat conversation...
im not going to try to keep in touch with you anymore..
im not going to care about you anymore....
im done thinking about you...
i've moved on....

Letting Go Part 1

So after much thought about this whole incident i got involved in a couple of months back I've finally decided to blog about it. it may not be pretty but i think i need to get it off my chest, so here we go.. please bare with me on this... :-)


It started with a whisper in the dark, a sentence which was spread between 2 lonely souls. "If you could have me right now, what would you do?" that sentence would forever change the lives of these 2 individuals. they were like any 2 regular souls, but with complicated personalities which bounded them together and brought them closer towards each other... "All right cut it out, stop screwing around with me" he said. but deep down inside he was in away hoping she wasn't because he knew that this could not happen, he could not have her whom he had been in love with for the past 2 years as he knew that she had already promised herself to another.. "I'm not kidding .. i mean it. If you could have me with you right now, what would u do to me?". We all have our moments of weakness i presume.. if you were put in that situation. if you were placed in his shoes what would you have done?

Here was everything he had dreamed of, everything he wanted placed right infront of him. the girl of his dreams, the one who he had been thinking about for so long finally admitting to him that she did have feelings for him, but the only glitch was that she was already with someone. He gave into his temptations and what began as an innocent conversation between 2 bestfriends turned into a steamy & sexy love note. chat logs were created in secret, text messages were sent between the 2 & what something of friendship turned into something more.. they tried to brush it off stating that they need to get each other out of their systems & this was the only way to do it... just give into their temptations just this once and go back to normal... how naive they were or rather how stupid. From the moment their lips met he was hooked! he couldn't believe how something which felt so right was so wrong.. he wanted to taste every bit of her from her tender moist lips..... to be continued

Random B.S

so here i am still @ work waiting for my phone to ring so that i can go for this gig with a friend of mine... yipeee im finally going out hehehehe... TGIF!!! hope its a good show... couple of good line ups involved.. Daddy.. Hollow... Manuk.. Azlan & Sanka... yeah so shud be good... now if only ishi gives me tht bloody call that she promised hehehe.... well lifes been generally alryt these past few weeks... i've finally made my peace with Ms. Best friend... well we aren't as close as we were before but still something is better than nothing right?... anyways i've put what happened between us behind me and am finally looking forward instead of reminiscing about the past.. stared reading www.kottu.org and was really glad i found out about it.. been an avid blog reader ever since... there are some which i just keep reading... divine lady, cyanide (who happens to be my aunt by some strange twist of fate), Rhythmic Diasopora. Ooh and not to mention little miss 69 well the 69 part is in french i assume hehehe... she s been taking the blogosphere by storm with her blog the pleasure principle... oh my... and what does she talk about?? none other than SEX!!... no wonder everybody's hyped up hehehehe..... man she is the first SRI LANKAN woman to be so honest and open about the going ons in her bed hehe..... simply amazing read.... anyways after much talk of sex being the most talked about things in the blogosphere i've decided to write up what happened between Ms. Bestfriend & Me... the whole story of how & when it all happened...... so yeah just wanted to say.. damn now i have to sit down & write it..... crap... nvr been that good a writer... anyways.. will put up that post as soon as i write it up... & yes its 100% true... but its not as good as 69's posts but well its wat happened to me :$.....

until we meet again... adios... aiyo ishi!!! where the crap are u men!!!

oh... P.S. i kinda met someone.... well not met exactly... just been talking to a friend alot lately & we've been getting really close... i even asked her out for a movie... just a general thing but who knows where it might lead.... she is by far the most sweetest, most adorable girl i've ever met..

ok ok thts enough then... ishi just msged... no its not her btw.. if u were thinking that... i ll kepp u ppl in suspense a little longer :) hehehehe... well im off.. ciao...

Icarus - Your Lullaby

This is a song by one of the most talented lyrical bands I think that Sri Lanka has ever produced.. It's especially something i hold dear & quite nostalgic for me..

Lay your head down
On my shoulders
And close your eyes
Tell me softly
That you’ll love me
For the rest of our lives
Let me kiss theTears on your face
You don’t have to cry
Just listen to me
When Im singing
Your lullaby

When I watch you sleeping
There’s no place on earth
I’d rather beI can feel your heart beating
And I know that it’s calling out to me
I don’t say this much
But I love your touch
More than words
Who needs heaven and
Who needs angels
When you’re in the world

When I watch you sleeping
There’s no place on earth I’d rather be
I can feel your heart beating
And I know that it’s calling out to me
And this is your lullaby
Your lullaby
Your lullaby
And this is your lullaby
Your lullaby
Your lullaby

When I watch you sleeping
There’s no place on earth I’d rather be
I can feel your heart beating
And I know that it’s calling out to me
I will keep you
Safe forever
Just close your eyes…

Obsessions Are a Bad Thing... Aren't They??

I've got to stop obsessing over her..... I mean come on its over MOVE ON DUDE!!!.... yet why do I look at her blog atleast once a day? Why do my thoughts always stray towards her? Why do I miss her so much? Why do I constantly pick up my phone and think about calling her? Why can't I just move on and be happy..

I know that she's moved on... she's perfectly happy... it's just sad that it had to end in the way it did.... i wish i could take it all back... wish I could just rewind the clock & make things the way they were before that awfull day...

There are so many things i want to say to you... I know that I didn't appreciate you the way I should have, I took you for granted and now you hate me... you hate me...

she fucking hates me..........................................................................................

Being Used And the Weirdness of Life

so I've come to realize something... for past few months i was being USED. I was used as a shoulder to lean on, used as a substitiution for someone who wasn't there & last but not the least for intimacy.isn't it amazing what people will go through just to make themselves feel good...... A once friend of mine once wrote a couple of months back on her blog about what she thought of INFIDELITY and how much she hated it and how she thought that anyone who was thinking of doing it should refrain from doing so.. this was rather Ironic as she cheated on her own boyfriend with her bestfriend... isn't it brilliant how quirky and cynical life can be.... the same person who was against something ended up doing it. hahahahaha.....

P.s & for those of u who are wondering who the bestfriend was??? yes it was me.... hence the whole hatred for being used... but i've got to say tht it was partly my fault as well beause i very well knew wat i was getting into... I should've never agreed to do what I did.. I should've been stronger and helped her out in her moment of weakness... I should've been a better friend....

Life is just plain weird!!!